when i said "i do" on a sunny june day, i thought i had a pretty good idea of what married life would look like. devin and i would go on epic adventures together, get to fall asleep in each other's arms every night...we'd probably fight more, since we'd be spending so much more time together, and he would leave the toilet seat up but i wouldn't complain...we would spend every night together and have people over all the time...and basically, it would be this ideal, life-with-your-best-friend setup.
for the most part, i was absolutely right. the summer gave us tons of opportunities for weekend camping trips and family barbecues in our backyard. Even when fall rolled around and the semester started (leaving me with night classes every single night), we still found time to rent 20934 movies from the library, play with our new puppy, and work on our house on the weekends. and despite the occasional argument (which is the nice way of saying red-faced screaming match), life with my best friend is all i knew it would be.
what i didn't know was that i would be a horrible wife. i had no idea that i'd become this dish-washing-procrastinator and nit-picking-fight-starter, that i'd have all day to myself (to do "homework" and "housecleaning") but that i'd lay in bed for an extra 2 hours after devin went to work. i throw actual tantrums over the smallest things (such as devin leaving a few cups on our bedside table), and when i get home late from night classes, i have a horrible attitude, thanks to professors who keep us til 10:10 PM when the class ends at 10:00. thank God i was never home-schooled, because although i claim to be organized and self-motivated, i am extremely unmotivated to do things (like attack a pile of dishes left over from the weekend).
but you know what i realized (and am realizing, over and over)? i need Jesus. i am an absolutely terrible wife on my own, and when i try to do all the laundry/finish a 300-page book for school/wash all the dishes/walk Jake/come up with creative dinners/not start arguments all by myself, i will fail. i need Jesus to give me strength to get things done, to be kind and loving, and to change my stony heart. i need him to make me more like him. and it's more than a sunday morning re-commitment to let God run my week's events. it's a daily surrender to let him work in my life, while immersing myself in his Word.
yikes...this post got RILL long.
but these are just a few of my most recent thoughts on married life. :)
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